How many times do we ask ourselves that question?
Is this what I really want?
Writing, it feels so much like work, like a job, something that isn't fun...sometimes.
Then there are the other times it feels so rewarding, like there is nothing else you'd rather be doing.
It's hard to get started but I never regret the time I spend writing, I usually feel like a pressure has been released once I'm done. I can take a deep breath and feel satisfaction.
You don't know how many times I've thought, "God my life would so much easier if I didn't feel this need to write."
I put my girls to bed and then it's on to writing. Sometimes I get whiny, why can't I watch TV like my friends. I have to tell my inner two year old to put on her big girl panties and get on with it.
So why do I spend so much time on something that I don't seem to pursue down that final path?
I only take it so far, then I stall.
Is it possible to be scared of success?
The feeling that everything might change. I know logically that change isn't all bad but ...
There are times when writing consumes my thoughts: the next scene in my book, the characters. Often my WIP is the last thing I think about at night and the first thing I think about in the morning, the thing I daydream about during the day and yet it is often the last thing that gets worked on.
I know this is what I want. It's what I keep coming back to no matter how many times I've tried to deny that it's in me and needs a place to be released. There is something about writing that we can't do without or would so many of us keep pursuing such an illusive master. It has me in its clutches.
So today my girls are at Grandma's house and I'm working on revisions.
I'm proud of myself I'm over 50 000 words and I'm only on chapter 3 of my revisions so at this rate I should have no trouble bringing my word count I where it needs to be.
